November 4, 2015

Making New Mom Friends Is Like Dating...Only Harder!

dating is hard, making mommy friends
Look at these cool moms on a play date!
After finding and marrying my husband, I figured I never had to go through the arduous process of dating someone ever again...boy was I wrong. I always felt bad for my friends who went through the dating process because it sounded awful, going on date after date in hopes of finding someone with similar interests, thinking that you've connected with someone and then they never contact you again...that stuff doesn't just happen when you're trying to find the love of your life, it happens when you are trying to find a new mom friend! Only it's harder this time around, much harder. Why you ask? Well let me tell you!

I'm one of those socially awkward people so making new friends was difficult for me, fast forward to having 2 kids and I find myself trying to bust out of my socially awkward skin to help my kiddos make friends! It's definitely harder than one would think, and I've come across so many times where I want to strike up a conversation with another mom who I think might be fun to talk to...but then my shyness and awkwardness take over. Those of you who know me wouldn't believe that I'm shy (the awkward thing you get!), but I am. If someone else makes the first move to talk to me then I'm completely engaged, but the other way around? You can almost forget it! 

There was actually one encounter that I had recently where I went completely out of my comfort zone and asked for another mom's phone number, it was THE WEIRDEST situation I've been in in a very long time. It felt like I was a kid back in junior high trying to make friends. BUT, I'm glad that I put myself out there because not only do I get along with that mom, our kids get along too :)

After a few play dates I realised that finding a mom friend felt exactly like dating, only it was more difficult. Here's why I think finding a new mom friend is harder than dating!

  1. When you're single and trying to find a match, you plan a date and arrive and talk. When you have kids with you, "talking" for more than 5 minutes at a time is nearly impossible when you are making sure your kid is behaving, isn't hitting someone, isn't performing death-defying stunts, etc. Add on more than one child and I wish you good luck on your mom date!

  2. When you do get the chance to talk and connect, it isn't just about finding a mom with similar interests, it's about finding a mom that has similar parenting styles too. You don't make your child sit down at the table to eat? You cloth diaper? You don't believe in disciplining your child? You only eat organic, vegan approved foods? Sorry, this relationship won't last, it ended before it even started.

  3. Distance becomes a factor. I live in the south end of the city and you live in the north? Well, it was nice to meet you but it will take me 45 minutes to drive to your house and another 45 to make it home, with fitting in lunch and getting home for nap time, I would only have 30 minutes of play time.

  4. The number of children that you and your mommy friend have plays a factor too. I have two kids and you only have one and none of them are the same age? But I was hoping for my kids to make some friends too...

  5. And finally, when you find that connection and you go on more than one play date, you hope that your children actually get along!

I've often wanted to hold a speed dating event for moms in Calgary, but just haven't had enough time to organize, the idea is for ME to find some mom friends too and being the event organizer wouldn't be conducive to that! Anyone want to organize something? :)

This video from What's Up Moms got it right! 

What do you think about mommy friend dates? Is it like dating only harder? Or am I just crazy!? :D

Happy mommy dating!